Last Updated on May 18, 2025 by Giorgia Guazzarotti
“People always ask me, ‘You have so much confidence. Where did that come from?’ It came from me. One day I decided that I was beautiful, and so I carried out my life as if I was a beautiful girl… It doesn’t have anything to do with how the world perceives you. What matters is what you see. Your body is your temple, it’s your home, and you must decorate it.”
Gabourey Sidibe
Do you ever feel beautiful? For the longest time, I didn’t. I thought that, to feel beautiful, I had to be beautiful. And, to be beautiful, I had to conform to our modern society’s ideal of beauty. You know, long and thin legs. Big, pert breasts. Tiny waist. Pearly white teeth. Tanned skin. Thick and luscious hair… The list goes on and on. It’s like ordering from a menu where the dish doesn’t even exist, but they keep telling you it’s just one more upgrade away.
There was no way that I could ever do that. I could use a self-tanner (even though, every time I tried, I ended up resembling more an oompa loompa than a bronzed goddess), and maybe lose some weight, but become taller and shrink my bone structure to fit into a size zero dress? No way, no matter how much I hoped and prayed. Even the things I could change still came with strings attached. Because once you start tweaking one thing, there’s always something else you’re told to fix.
And so, for most of my life, I felt ugly. Too ugly to wear a bikini at the beach, or even just a mini skirt. Too ugly to apply for jobs that required a “nice appearance”. Too ugly to raise my voice and speak up. Too ugly to date and be loved. I didn’t realise how many things I wasn’t doing – not because I couldn’t, but because I thought someone like me wasn’t allowed to. Being ugly was my reality. It took me a long time to realise that it was a reality I created for myself.
Feelings Are Your Own Creation
Feelings are the products of what we think about something that has happened or someone has said. Read that again. Feelings are not the product of what happened. They’re not the product of what someone else has said. They’re the product of what we think about these things.
Which means you can hear the same comment two days in a row and feel totally different depending on the mood you’re already in. That’s how made-up it all is. You know what that means? That nothing and no one can make you feel something. It’s you, and only you, who decides what to believe, and, therefore, what to feel. Yes, even when it feels automatic. Especially then. So, decide to feel beautiful, now.
Feeling Beautiful Is A Choice
Ok, ok, it’s not exactly that easy. Sigh. But feeling beautiful is really a choice you can make. So, how do you make it? By changing your beliefs. Because, whatever you believe, you’re right. If you believe you’re ugly, you’ll feel ugly, and act as if you’re ugly. And that means no bikinis. No successful romantic relationships. No fun. Just a truckload of pain and insecurities. You’ll make yourself smaller before anyone else gets a chance to judge you. Beat them to it. Stay safe. Stay invisible. That’s how it works.
But, if you believe you’re beautiful, you’ll feel beautiful, and act as if you’re beautiful. You’ll wear that bikini, be more open in your relationships, and finally do all the things you were scared of doing. You’ll have more confidence, and a lot more fun, too. You’ll stop overthinking every mirror, every camera, every outfit. Not because you’ve become delusional, but because you’re done giving your body a performance review every morning.
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How To Feel Beautiful
The first step is to be more aware of your thoughts. The second is to question them.
Every time you catch yourself thinking, “I’m ugly,” don’t dismiss it or dwell on it. Instead, ask why. Why do you think you’re ugly? What is beauty? The unachievable physical ideal promoted by the media, or a kind, compassionate soul? And if the latter, why is it so important to conform to society’s impossible standards? Or is it just a feeling you’ve been trained to chase but never actually hold? Something that always belongs to someone else, never you?
Beauty is not about fitting a certain ideal or stereotype. It’s about accepting and embracing who you are. Beauty doesn’t need external validation. It’s internal. It’s in your beliefs. Once you realise you can change those, you can change the course of your entire life. Because once you stop trying to win the beauty contest no one asked you to enter, you can finally focus on things that actually feel good. Like peace. And joy. And finally not giving a damn what someone on the street thinks of your thighs.
You can choose to see an ugly beast, or you can choose to see the amazing and beautiful human being you are. It’s up to you. Choose wisely.
The Bottom Line
You don’t have to look different to feel beautiful. You just have to stop believing the people who told you you weren’t. Because the moment you decide to see yourself differently, everything changes: how you move, how you show up, what you allow yourself to do. And no one gets to choose that for you. Only you do.
Great article! So many of girls my age struggle with this. One of my close friend’s friend nearly attempted suicide and would refuse to eat. She ended up going to the hospital and nearly dying. I felt terrible when I heard about it!
H, oh dear, how tragic! I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope she is well now.
This is such a difficult age, isn’t it? Young girls can be so impressionable and their lives can so easily be affected by the media’s irresponsible message that only one type of body is beautiful and acceptable.