Do you ever feel like a fraud?
I used to, ALL the time. My inner critic was telling me that I was good for nothing, especially on those days when nothing seemed to go my way. My peers made me feel wrong because I wasn’t outgoing enough. Pretty much everyone told me I was less of a woman for reaching the old age of 30 without a husband and a well-paid job.
Under all that pressure, I began to doubt and loathe myself. I allowed my self-esteem to be completely torn apart until I wanted to do nothing but lying on the couch, binging on ice cream and Netflix. I still feel like that, sometimes.
I’m sure you can relate. We all go through times when we feel we’re not good enough, and just want to throw in the towel. Here are a few things to remember when those days come around:
1. Our mind is a liar
Our mind is a wonderful thing. But, often, it can also be a total, rotten liar. Every time it tells you you can’t do something, it’s lying. Every time it tells you you aren’t good enough, it’s lying. Every time it tells you you’re a total failure because you made a mistake, it’s lying. Don’t believe everything it tells you. Instead, turn those thoughts into positive ones. Failure, for example, isn’t a sign of your weakness, but an opportunity to learn.
2. Comparison is the thief of joy
We all compare ourselves to other people, thinking they’re better than us and envying them for having it all together. Truth is, they don’t. You may see only their successes, but, like you, they’ve failed, too. Like you, they have challenges and struggles to overcome every single day. You don’t know what someone else is going through, so don’t compare yourself to them.
3. Focus on progress, not perfection
I used to be a perfectionist, thinking I had to get everything right the first time or I’d be a worthless loser. Of course, I never got anything “perfectly” right on first go, so I beat myself up ALL the time. It was so paralyzing, in the end I even stopped trying. These days, I focus on the process instead. Putting yourself out there and giving it a go is already a big accomplishment. So, is making any kind of progress. You’ve come a long way, already. Just keep doing your thing, and you’ll be fine.
4. There is more right than wrong with you
We’re so used to seeing only our flaws and failures that we ignore all the good things about us. Like our kindness. Our sense of humour. Our talents. Think of all that next time you think you’re worthless. It’ll help you realise what an amazing human being you actually are.
5. You can’t hate your way into loving yourself
Our society tell us that we have to hate ourselves to find the motivation to become better people. We have to hate our bodies to become thin or our weaknesses to become stronger. That’s BS. Hate has never solved anything. It just makes us feel worthless and unlovable. Like perfectionism, hate is paralyzing too. You have to love yourself to live up to your full potential. So, be gentle with yourself. Your flaws don’t define you. Your mistakes are just lessons you have to learn. Where you are now in life is exactly where you need to be today to get where you want to go tomorrow. You’re not a failure. You’re a work in progress.
What do you remind yourself of when you think you’re not good enough?